Did you hear Micheal Jackson is selling Neverland Ranch?
Now that it's 15 years old, he just doesn't like it anymore.
There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"
A man and a woman are riding next to each other in first class on a plane. The woman sneezes, then takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man isn't sure he saw what she did, and decides he is probably hallucinating.
A few minutes pass. The woman sneezes again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs. The man is about to go nuts. He can't believe that he's seeing what he's seeing.
A few more minutes pass. The woman sneezes yet again. She takes a tissue and gently wipes it between her legs yet again.
The man has finally had all he can handle. He turns to the woman and says,
Three times you've sneezed, and three times you've taken a tissue and wiped it
between your legs! What kind of signals are you sending me, or are you just trying to drive me crazy?
The woman replies, I am sorry to have disturbed you, sir. I have a rare condition such that when I sneeze, I have an orgasm.
The man, now feeling badly, says, Oh, I'm sorry. What are you taking for it?
The woman looks at him and says, Pepper.
A couple, both aged 70, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."
The doctor charged them $82 for the session.
This happened several weeks in a row: the couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems, pay the doctor, and then leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man replied, "We're not trying to find anything out.
She's married and we can't go to her house.
I'm married and we can't go to my house.
The Sheraton charges $90 and the Hilton charges $108.
We do it here for $82, and I get $68 back from Medicare."
A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top
of his dad bouncing up and down.
The mom quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen,
dresses quickly and goes to find him.
The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and dad doing?"
The mother replies, "Well, your dad has a big tummy and sometimes
I have to get on top of it to help flatten it."
"You're wasting your time." says the boy.
"Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled?
"Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets
on her knees and blows it right back up!"